Everyday ethics: In search of the right epitaph

It’s the small, often unintended mistakes that grate at living well and lead to many of life’s supposedly little frustrations.

Take typos in an article or column, for example. I mean take them, please, before I spot them in print. They are the curse of the writing and editing class.

I’ve often thought that if I decide to have a tombstone, all I dread is to have my name misspelled with the caption: “Here lies John Morgen, still looking for typos in his final copy,” The irony is this typo in stone might last for centuries with no corrections possible.

Actually, I don’t want a tombstone. I want a used parking meter with the sign saying “expired.” And leave the slot where you put money in for people to place coins. Then every few weeks someone can collect the money and give it to charity, my end serving a greater purpose.

I realize that death usually is not often a humorous topic, but the words written on tombstones could be the last laugh — grave humor if you pardon the pun.

I’ve thought of a few I’d like considered for my final resting place.

Finally, got the last word.

No hits, no puns, no errors.

It ain’t ain’t over ‘til it’s over.

Meeting adjourned.

The doctor is in.

The final act.

And, borrowing filmmaker Billy Wilder’s epitaph, I really like these parting words: “I’m a writer but then nobody’s perfect.”

But i prefer these words on Ben Franklin’s tomb in Philadelphia:

“The Body of B. Franklin, Printer; like the Cover of an old Book, Its Contents torn out, And stript of its Lettering and Gilding, Lies here, Food for Worms. But the Work shall not be wholly lost; For it will, as he believ’d, appear once more, In a new & more perfect Edition, Corrected and amended By the Author.”

As a young man Franklin had composed this epitaph for himself, but it wasn’t put on his tombstone until later. Over the years people visiting the site began to throw pennies on it, hoping for good luck, remembering Franklin’s adage that a “penny saved is a penny earned.”  This is where I probably got my idea for a parking meter with the word “expired” showing where people could put money into the slot for future charity.

Of course, in our times, our epitaphs will be online, where they will disappear into the “cloud,” the modern version of heaven.

Perhaps, given artificial intelligence, one day we ourselves will return in a “new and more perfect edition, corrected and amended by the author.”

John C. Morgan is an author and teacher. His columns don’t appear on tombstones but can be found at www.readingeagle.com.

Benjamin Franklin’s grave in Philadelphia. (AP Photo/Matt Rourke, File)
Visitors look at the grave of Benjamin Franklin in Christ Church Burial Ground in Philadelphia. The grave is strewn with pennies to honor Franklin’s famous saying, “A penny saved is a penny earned.” (AP Photo/Beth J. Harpaz)
Tourists peer through a fence at Benjamin Franklin’s grave at the Christ Church Burial Ground in Philadelphia. (AP Photo/Matt Rourke)

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