Major family transitions, such as supporting aging parents in their changing housing needs, can challenge the closest of families.
Following these tips can help make families stronger and avoid additional drama or stress.
It’s their life
Your mother and/or father’s decisions belong to them (so long as they remain mentally competent). Your role is helping them achieve their goals.
Don’t assume the worst
Family members usually have good intentions, even if you don’t agree with their position. Just like you, they are trying to do what they feel is right for the individual in question.
Be kind and true
Speak to each other honestly and respectfully, even when you have to agree to disagree.
Don’t interrupt. Be attentive and listen to others-you may be closer to agreeing than you realize, and you may be able to open a productive dialog.
Reactions to stress are unique
Some people withdraw, some become angry, others become sad, while others try to take charge and fix the situation by force.
Recognize these differences and agree to work together.
It’s not your way of the highway
Compromise and discuss the pros and cons calmly.
Remember, you may not get everything you want exactly the way you want it, but everyone is trying to do their best.
Don’t gossip
If you have an issue, address it with that person in person.
Respect them (and yourself) enough to be mature about your concerns and search for a solution, rather than creating additional stress and family drama.
Respect roles
Someone will be (or should be) in charge of decisions if Mom and Dad aren’t capable of making their own.
This person, once designated, has the final say. You can express your opinion, but realize this is an incredibly difficult role and respect their willingness to accept it.
The in-laws’ place
If you are a family member by marriage, realize your primary role is (usually) to support and comfort your spouse and other family members, not to participate in decisions.
Don’t vie for the spotlight
If you have come late to the party, due to personal circumstances, geographical distance or other family dynamics-don’t try to be the hero and trump those who have seen the situation unfold.
If you feel guilty for your lack of participation, own it and work out those issues on your own time, privately.
Pick your battles
Determine what’s really important to you and support your family members’ decisions on these things that aren’t extremely important to you.
Allison McMillan is a licensed Pennsylvania Realtor and a Designated Senior’s Real Estate Specialist. Contact her at HomeswithAllison@gmail.com.
